Randy T's "Blonde"Clothing Jokes:
I know many people don't like "blonde" jokes but so many good ones
can be related with clothes. ---- i.e.:
To a blonde, what does T.G.I.F. mean when putting on a pair of shoes?.......TOES GO IN FIRST!
How to keep a blonde busy (see front)! How to keep a blonde busy (see back)!
Howard R sent this one to us
I work in a small office in Rochester NY. Our city is not well known for its
warm temperatures but rather it's harsh winter with copious amounts of snow. We
get visited courier twice a day-once in the morning and the other just before
closing. In the morning by a trim, fit woman and in the afternoon by a tanned,
muscular gentleman. Now it appears that these two individuals have had a
friendly wager going on as to who could go the latest in year making pickups and
deliveries while wearing shorts which has led to a spirited following amongst
the offices they visit and indeed, in years past the pair has been known to go
well into December before someone would finally give in much to the chagrin of
half the working populace. But today November 14, 1997 dawned ominously with
snow coming down heavily and a wind chill factor of four degrees. While we were
in the process of receiving (?) 10+ inches of snow today-our morning visitor
bounded in at 10AM -- in long pants much to the dismay of aprroximately half of
all she met. She offered no explanation but with receipt in hand turned quickly
and left as if in a hurry to catch a train. What would happen in the afternoon?
The speculative fever rose as high as the snow drifts until at 4PM in he
strode--tanned as ever with a purposeful gait and..... LONG PANTS. A tie! What
next? Our courier satisfies our curiosity by announcing to all--"OK. OK
I've worn my pants today!" To which I had to say "Is this the normal
announcement that you always make when you make a delivery?" Bet you next
year they'll go later--but as the laughter died down we were already speculating
on the tie-breaker.
Here is one came from Koda:
One day a woman and her 2 young daughters came into the mens clothing store
where I worked. They were there to purchase a birthday gift for the childrens
grandfather. After much looking and discussion between the children they finally
decided on a sweater and a leather belt. As they stood at the register the
mother said, "Girls this is a very nice Gucci belt." The youngest
daughter then placed the belt around her waist and looked very puzzled. She then
said, "Mom, we shouldn't buy this belt, it's broken! It doesn't tickle me
at all, no goochie."
Ann B provided us with this one:
I am not feeling very witty today - therefore, the most humorous thing I
can come up with is the $3,000,000 bra I saw in the Christmas Victoria Secret
catalog. Three million dollars! Can you believe it? Just because it has a
few diamonds on it.... Even the $200.00 version was out of my price range - it
only had rhinestones instead of diamonds.
Queen of Hearts sent us this:
My husband has a shirt that has afamily whose faces are butts--it says
"I survived a family of buttheads!"
The Happy Bear sent us this one:
Two, obviously well-to-do, men were sitting in the bar lamenting over their
respective families poverty when they were children.
"We were so poor" said the one to the other
"that I had to wear hand-me-downs until I was in high school"
"What was so bad about that?" questioned the other
"I had to wear hand-me-downs too."
"Yes" replied the first man
"but at least you had brothers!!!"
This one gets the prize for coming from the farthest
away - it came to us from Dave B, all the way from Tel Aviv University!
Looking back, I realize I'd been ignoring subtle signs of weight gain,
such as that I had worn only one pair of pants for three straight years.
They were my biggest pants. The only way I could wear my other pants would
have been on my arms. But I did not attribute this to weight gain. I attributed
it to a natural weight shift that occurs as guys get older, wherein your
weight gradually shifts to your thighs from other areas, such as your refrigerator.
Karen Jefferson forwarded this to us:
I can laugh now, but I wasn't laughing when my boyfriend and a group of
friends were vacationing in New Hampshire and stopped at a waterpark.
I had neglected to pack a swimsuit, but luckily (?) a friend offered to
loan me hers, as she was unable to go on the waterslides that day. I had
never been on one of those huge waterslides, and this was the "on
your belly - face first" kind (which I didn't know until I was already
at the top). So I went -- SCREAMING all the way down, partly from exhileration,
partly from sheer fright. At the end, I felt, well "free".
Free of a swimsuit top, that was, in front of everybody. The swimsuit
top had fallen to my hips and I didn't even know it as I stood there at the bottom of the slide! Geez! That was the first
and last time I:
1.) borrowed a swimsuit, and
2.) went down a giant waterslide.
Sent to us by Shawn Kuske:
Q. Why did the shirt ask if the needle was a comedian?
A. Because it had the shirt in stitches.
Degelder from MB ;):
2002 was an appalling year for me. In January, I threw my two-timing
gamblaholic husband out of the house. In March, I found out my siding
is rotten and I have to join a class-action law suit. Just before Christmas,
I found two rotten spots on my roof. I really needed a good laugh by this
point. When I opened a Christmas present from my parents, I almost fell off
my chair from laughing. It was a tee shirt which says
"I got this tee shirt for my husband - bloody good swap, eh?"
Just what the doctor ordered!!
Thanks J from Mission, BC
Someone I knew related this actual experience to me.
A young woman belonged to a religion that baptized individuals when they
were old enough to recognise what the beliefs of their religion was &
wished to be members of it. So when she was baptized, she was a young adult.
She was notoriously nearsighted & couldn't see 2 feet in front without
her glasses. Her glasses, therefore, came off as she entered the baptismal pool.
She had borrowed a friend's bathing suit for the occasion that was decently demure.
Because she was very skinny with a flat chest, the bathing suit didn't suit
her having foam cups that held its own shape.
She folded her arms across her chest as she was briefly dunked under & when
she came up, unknown to her, both cups were pushed in, looking like two very
large dimples on her chest. But because she didn't realise what> happened,
it never occurred to her what the murmur of giggles was about. As she came
to the steps to climb out of the pool, she missed the first one & fell flat,
baptizing herself a 2nd time. The murmur rose to full belly laugh & only after
she was dried off, did she find out what had happened. Being the good natured
sort she is, she was the first to tell friends about her unusual baptism.
